Hmm, I took a look at my pageviews statistics just now and it seems that I have over 5,000 pageviews!

This call for a celebration!!

(I set off a massive fireworks display...which goes horribly wrong as the massive "Bunker Buster" fireworks all screech and veer off course...and bombard Quahog.)

Uh, sorry about that. Let me cast a spell to put the fire out.

(I cast a storm spell. A massive series of tornados and tidal waves batter the town.)

Ok...yeah, I think this is getting out of hand. Let me get someone to at least clean the place up.

(I cast a summon spell...and watch as a Slor rampages and decimates the city.)


...Yeah, better quit while I'm ahead.

Well, 2009 is now over, I'm 32 and Harry Houdini still hasn't come back from the dead, which means that even he can't compete with the powers of death. But enough about dead illusionists, it's time for me to give out awards, list achievements and notable events and generally calling out those who really, REALLY had it coming.

No, I Can't Believe They Called Themselves That- The Teabaggers


One of the most notable things so far about Barck Obama's term is his attempt to get health care reform up and running. and, as expected, the reform has hit many a snag along the way, in the form of Republican (and Democrat) resistance, stalling, changing the bill itself and certain insurance companies scaring the shit out of people who don't even know what the public option is. But, the most amusing thing about this was the protestors themselves. Fueled by an completely irrational fear of what the government would do with the health care they had, along with a mixture of irrational hatred, deep seated resentment and general ignorance, tehy marched on Washington and loudly voiced their anger at town hall meetings. These people I would take seriously if it wasn't for one thing: their choice of names for their faction.

I'll have to assume that these people don't indulge in any sort of hardcore porn viewing or small window internet browsing because if they did, they would understand why I laugh uncontrolably anytime any of them are mentioned. Oh sure, their protests and general vitrol are enough to make me wish stupidity could be taxed, but not knowing that you are naming yourselves after a particularly wild sex act that people imitate in Call of Duty and Halo? That's like starting an anti-gay movement and calling yourselves the Butt Pirates.


Why Won't You Shut The Fuck Up Award, Part 1- Dick Cheney

Remember back in the Bush Era, when this Dark Lord of the Sith could not be found in any way, shape or form, for any reasons other than to give out cryptic warnings and veiled threats to anyone who cricticized the Bush Gang? Yeah I miss those days too, I mean at least he stayed out of the very sunlight that would end him and his dark ambitions. You'd think that now that Obama is in office, he'd slink away somewhere, relax and wait for the inevitable Mage Wars to wipe out all of humanity. No, he just HAS to speak up. Mr. Tight Lips just can't pass up any moment to say something, ANYTHING to criticize the president. The man also seems to think he and Bush did a damn good job of running the country. Yeah, funny thing, I distinctivley remember an 8 year peroid of being really angry at the people running this joint. 2 wars, a deficit, millions of jobs lost and a fucking slow response to Hurricane Katrina will do that to a man. And his daughter needs to learn how not to sound like an utter ass.


Why Don't You Shut The Fuck Up Award, Part 2- Sarah Palin and Levi Johnson.

Both of these two have 3 things in common-

1) They're from Alaska
2) They both are on TV longer than I care to mention.
3) They both need a good kick in the ass.

Best Movie Game That Isn't Actually A Movie- Ghostbusters

Well it's not like I could have given it to Wolverine, seeing as how X-Men Origins; Wolverine is actually a movie. And a horrible one at that, from what I have been told. Essentially, this is what a third Ghostbusters movie could have been with enough budget and proper story telling. With the story worked on by both Harold Ramis and Dan Ackroyd, as well as the original cast reprising their roles, this is an awesome foray into the world of the Ghostbusters, be it the 360/PS3 or Wii version. And best of all, you finally find out what a Sloar is.

Just don't cross the streams.


Best Comeback- The return of 'Nintendo Hard' games

If you olayed video games for as long as I have then you know what 'Nintendo Hard' means; it means that the game you're about to play is fun, but has no qualms beating the piss out of you like you owe the mob money. The first of this was 'Street Fighter 4' with a return to the roots of what made SF fun, as well as gives us a boss that can best be described as 'SNK Boss Syndrome on Crack'. Go on, tell me you beat SETH without ever losing a round or wishing death on the programmers.

Then, Nintendo had to go and make certain games. Punch Out!! is a challenge enough on the default difficulty. I only have to say the words 'Great Tiger' and already I can tell you the string of profanities aimed at him will be long and plentiful. And after you get through the brutalization of fightig Mr. Sandman, the game decides that you haven't suffered enough and makes you play Title Defense Mode. You know you're in trouble when Glass Joe can knock you out. Then there's New Super Mario Bros. Wii...

May whatever God you worship help you the minute you step into World 4 and beyond. And don't get me started on World 8...And then of course, there's World 9-7.

Best Damn Series Finale of 2009- Turtles Forever

Yeah, I could have said the Battlestar Galactica finale, but it gave me a damn migrane trying to comprehend it. Besides, this has not only the 80s TMNT, but the Mirage Comics TMNT as well. And 2K3 Shredder was beaten not by the Turtles, but by ROCKSTEADY AND BEBOP. Best damn example of fanservice EVER.

Biggest Guilty Pleasure- Deadliest Warrior

If you want a fully realized show about how differant warrior classes could possibly fight each other using various tactics and strategies, believe me when I say this show has NONE of that. If you just wanna see outrageous reenactments of battles and people making damn dumb boasts as they demonstrate various weapons, then this show is perfect. History buffs, however will shake their heads at the rationale for certain matchups. (And for the record, there's no fucking way SPETZNAZ should have taken down the Army Rangers, and who the hell thought Ninjas vs. Spartans was a good idea?)

The Donald Rummsfeld Award For Excellence in The Field of Douchebaggery- Glenn Beck

Come on. Do I REALLY have to explain myself?

Best Damn Moment in An Otherwise Forgettable Movie- Anytime Optimus Prime Is In Battle

I don't care who you are, I don't care how much you hate Shia Lebouf or Megan Fox, or how much you despise the lackluster plot of this movie. The minute Optimus Prime was in battle, the dude was dripping Awesome. He should just be called 'Beatdown Prime' from hear on out.

What The Fuck Were You Thinking, Part 1- Cartoon Network expanding the CN Real programming block.

A long time ago, Cartoon Network had a whole wealth of programs for everyone to watch, keeping true to the original idea of 'all cartoons all the time!' and entertaining the audience with a mix of classic and new toons. Somewhere along the line, someone decided that cartoons showing 24-7 ws a bad idea. So, after killing off Toonami and many other shows, they came up with CN Real. Yeah, never mind the fact that their previous attempts at live action entertainment, like the Ben 10 live action movie and Out of Jimmy's Head, were met with quite a bit of hostility from almost all fan bases, they were gonna keep on trucking and provide us with more live action shows that no one quite cared for. Of course, to do that, they had to make several sacrifices and cuts, which leads us to this...

What The Fuck Were You Thinking, Part 2- Cartoon Network not renewing the license for Naruto (or, for that matter, any anime shown on Cartoon Network not called Bakugan, Pokemon or Yu Gi Oh 5Ds)

It used to be that you could watch quite a few anime shows on this network. Now? Excuse me while I laugh at our choices. Not that I didn't see this coming; when the people at this network said that they wanted to 'expand their original programming' I had the feeling something like this would happen. But to lose Naruto, that had to hurt no matter what you think of the series. It is quite a popular anime, cut or uncut, and the programming block on which the show used to air has been so far underwhelming.

These People Give Our Fandom A Bad Name- Rabid TMNT Fans

If you ever visited the TMNT Smash Up forums on GameFAQS or the official game's forum page, or for that matter any forum dedicated to the series, you may understand why I feel hesitant to ever visit them.

In general, fandom of any medium are always divided into certain types, but the TMNT fanbase seemed this year to have some really, REALLY severe hardcases, especially when it came to two particular game releases: Turtles in Time Remixed and TMNT: Smash Up. Apparrently these two games completely suck for a variety of reasons, such as

Turtles In Time Reshelled- It sucks because there's a stage missing, Rocksteady and Bebop aren't in it like they were in the orignal game and the music is differant. (Of course, those who are familiar with the game know that it was an arcade game first before it hit the SNES and that the XBLA/PSN game is based on that one, so no, your precious Rocksteady and Bebop were not in it, sorry. Also, of course the music is differant, IT IS A REMAKE. Oh and the arcade game was harder. Trust me, I know this from first hand experience.)

TMNT Smash Up- It sucks because there is no Rocksteady and Bebop, or for that matter any 80s characters, which is always superior, and they gave us 3 damn Rabbids!! So the game sucks!! We don't even have to play it to tell you that it sucks!! (I will agree that the Rabbids were a very questionable choice for a woefully small roster. But seriously, from the very first trailer of the game, which was based off of unused footage from the TMNT 2007 movie, it would be very obvious to anyone that the game would be more focused on the comic than the first cartoon. And how can you be so sure you'll hate the game if you won't even play it since a certain character is excluded? That's like hating Street Fighter 3 because there's no Guiile.)

And God forbid that you tell these rabid fans that you prefer the 2003 cartoon series over the 80s cartoon series. Apparently, it's a sin to have a show try to stay as close to the original comic roots as possible.

Giving the Fans The Finger- Marvel Comics

At this point in time, I would like to remind everyone that it's not too late to buy yourself a subscription to Shonen Jump. As if what happened in the Ultimate Marvel Universe wasn't bad enough "Dark Reign" seems to drive the needle deeper and now they are even ripping off of "Blackest Night" with the Necrosha storyline.

And you thought "All Star Batman and Robin" was bad enough.

Holy Shit, Part 1- Disney buys Marvel

For some reason, watching Disney X.D. became tolerable. I attribute this to the fact that the suits got wise and started showing good shows people actually wanted to watch when they realized sticking in old Disney Channel live action shows would piss off a few too many people. Of course, having good shows like Phineas and Ferb and Jimmy Two Shoes actually helps too.

Then, from out of nowhere, the Company A Mouse Built went and purchased what used to be The House of Ideas. If I can make one tiny suggestion o Spidey's new overlords...


FIRE JOE QUESADA. AND NEVER LET JOSS WHEDON NEAR ANY COMIC BOOK. EVER.


Just a suggestion. While you're at it, fire Reginald Hudlin and retcon the hell out of everything since "One More Day".

Holy Shit, Part 2- Nickelodeon gets the TMNT license

Ok there was no way ANYONE could have predicted that one either. And then of course...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!![/b]- Disney airs 'Naruto Shippuden' on Disney X.D.

Naruto...on a Disney owned channel...

Yeah, the end times clearly are upon us.

Personal Acheivements- I break the laws of the universe, twice.

In the past year, I did two things I either thought I never do or swore I would never do, and so far the damage to God's Law has been minor. (Of course, Hell freezing over was a nice bonus.) The first was a Timmy Turner sketch, which was something I'm proud to have actually made look decent enough to display on DA instead of the usual prose work or photograph taken. And, of course, the second: writing an Yuri story. A ero-ero story. The kind that will have me put to death by the 'true' Danny Phantom fans if they ever see it. Of course, I am prepared. You learn your lesson very quickly after hearing what the Twilight fangirl faction are capable of.

Those who frequent a certain message board know which story I mean. And if you think it'll ever show up here on DA...don't hold your breath. DarkDP gets it bad enough when certain kickass pics he makes gets pulled, I imagine the reaction from what I wrote would be along the lines of 'You naughty boy' to 'YOU HENTAI FREAK!!! KAIRI NO BAKA!!!!' followed shortly by my skull meeting the business end of a mallet.
Of course, if you want me to mail you a copy...

Akane: PERVERT!!! (hits me with mallet)
Me: I...should have seen that coming...

I should mention that I'm on Facebook now...so that's 3 times the universe has been violated.

The "You Broke My Heart, Fredo" award- Butch Hartman and crew, for both 'Wishology' and the Anti Poof Episode of Fairly Oddparents


My initial reaction to Wishology was rather mild, despite my feelings at how utterly they dropped the ball with the potential for this one. This was one of those shows where the show's joke potential and plot were woefully underdeveloped after the first epiosde ended and left many shaking their heads at the plot. (But apparently, someone called Wanderer2004 thought I was too harsh on the new eps. Dunno who that person is, but sorry if my low key response to many of the past seasons FOP shows drove you mad. Oh, and you rated Johnny Bravo a 1? REALLY?!!!)

And then there was the Anti-Poof episode...

Yeah, so you see now why I wrote an ero-ero story.

As some may know, my job with Toys R Us has been keeping me busy lately. Fortunatley, it hasn't been enough to keep me from doing a few important things, like putting out chapter 6 of Fanning the Flames and FINALLY playing a game I've been dying to play for some time. Well, two. The other, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, will need more time for me to get into, but let's talk about Ghostbusters The Video Game.

I've had ample playtime with both the XBox 360 and Wii versions of the game, so right off the bat, I can tell you the main differnces very easily. Aside from the obvious, which are the graphics, the playstyles of the two differ greatly to accomodate the systems they occupy. The XBox 360 version played like a stylized version of Gears of War, while the Wii version was a 3rd persion variant of Metroid Prime (hence the name of this journal entry.) You use the Wii Remote to aim and fire your blast stream, while the cross pad is used to access your other gear, such as the Slime Blower, the Dark Matter Generator and the PKE Meter, with optional (but needed) goggle support. And unlike the other version, in the Wii version, destruction is practically encouraged, as it's the only way that you'll find many of the hidden Tobin's Spirit Guide art pages. Catching ghost is simple and fun, if a bit tedious at times, but fortunatley there is a variety of ghosts to keep you on your toes. (Like a certain 100 foot tall marshmallow man...)

There are also certain events in each game that occur differantly, or seen from a new perspective. (In the XBox 360 version, there is a battle on foot in the streets of Time Square before you enter the building Stay Puft is attacking.) The story is top notch due to the fact that Dan Ackroyd and Harold Ramis helped pen the script. Voice acting by all of the original cast members (sans Weaver and Moranis) is sopt on and yes, Winston finally gets his due.

If I had to recommend which version, I would say get the X Box 360/PS3 version if you have 2 or more systems, but all of them are a great addition to your library.

This week, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Smash Up is being released for the Wii and PS2. This is a release of particular interest to me, as not only am I a fan of the TMNT series, but a fighting game fan as well. The game is developed by several members of Game Arts, who developed Super Smash Bros Brawl and former members of Team Ninja, who are responsible for Dead or alive and Ninja Gaiden.

Of course, you may be wondering if I'm blogging about how much I want to play the game. And believe me, I more than anything would like to give the game a whirl. But lately, there are two things that have been irking me in relation to this game: Fans and Ubi Soft themselves.

First off, een before the game was released, there has been a certain element of the fanbase that has been very vocal about what they want. These are comprised mainly of the folks who primarily remember the Turtles via the old 1980s show. That's all well and good, but some of them seem to have an attitude abnbout them that stinks of elitism, harshing on any aspect of the series that isn't from the 80s toon, especially the 2K3 series. Never mind the fact that the 2K3 series is as close to the original Mirage comics, if it's nothing like the cartoon (or, heaven forbid in some cases, the horrible live action Fox series) they despise it. I actually have some fondness for the 80's cartoon, because if it wasn'r for that show,I'd never be interested enough to find the original series and I'd never be a big a fan of the TMNT as I am.

Anyway, these fans became very insistant that Ubi Soft include Rocksteady and Bebop in the game, or Tokka and Rahzar, or various other characters from the 80s show and comics (well. to be honest, the Archie comics. There were demands for charcters from the Mirage series, but not nearly as much as I'd have liked to see.) And a lot of these fans swore that the game would suck if they didn't include them or would never buy the game if Ubi Soft never put them in there.

It's the same insanity I saw with Super Smash Bros. Brawl in the months before it was released. And just like then, I wanted to roll my eyes with annyance at the narrowmindedness of that sentiment. As I said in GameFAQS, not playing this game because Rocksteady and Bebop aren't in it makes about as much sense as not playing Street Fighter 3 because Guile and Chun Li didn't show up in it. (Fortunataley, she was included in 3rd Strike and Remy is as close as Guile as you got...and, would you look at that, the game didn't suck.) Ultimately, I feel as though fans like that are never gonna be satisfied with anything the developers would have done. If the guys were in the game, I'm sure someone would have found something wrong with them, like not being the correct voice actor, or not using the right gun. Ultimately, the final decsion of the roster was in the hands of Ubi Soft and Peter Laird himself.

And thus brings us to problem 2: Rabbids.

See, this game is billed as a celebration of 25 years of TMNT, and that's all good, but the inclusion of the Rabbids, especially to TMNT fans, makes about as much sense as anyone saying they liked the Image version. (For the record, I thought that in theory, that series sounded like a good idea, but was horrible in execution, especially with what was done to Leo, Raph and Don. ESPECIALLY Don and Leo.) I mean, look at characters like Baxter Stockman (the original), Rat King,Miyamoto Usagi (from Stan Sakai's "Usagi Yojimbo") Nobody and the Triceritons. Hell, I'd have even taken Hun.

But...Rabbids?

Yeah, uh....what?

Strictly speaking, the only possible reason to include them, aside from the fact that they are the prerequisite joke characters, is to help promote the Rabbids upcoming game. And that's not exactly exclusive to them: you sit there and tell me, with a straight face, that Konmai did not use Snake's appearance in Brawl to get hype up for MGS4. If anything, Sony should be thanking Nintendo for getting some people to buy a few extra PS3s! But 3 differant ones?

To paraphrase Optimus Prime in S.O.S. Wheeljack "UbiSoft, why the FUCK did you put 3 Rabbids in this game?"

But I'm ol with it. I'll live. It just means I can ninja kick the damn rabbids now. Every fighting game has people you hate. Don't get me started on how muuch I hate fighting guys like SETH, Yamazaki or, for fuck's sake, JIGGLYPUFF.

But then of course, there are those who are being, well, really pissy about the inclusion of the Rabbids. If you go on over to the Smash Up forums or, God forbid, GameFAQS, you'll see what I mean. These people are declaring that Smash Up sucks and will never play it. Despite the fact that, you know, they haven't actually PLAYED it yet. The ones who actually have pplayed it have been giving failry positive reviews. And as of the current writing of this, Nintendo Power has scored the game a 7.5 which is a good review. But since the game has no sign of Bebop and Rocksteady in it and the Rabbids are in it, the game sucks, end of story and they'll never play it.

To these people I offer this nugget of wisdom: CHILL THE FUCK OUT ALREADY YOU BABIES!!!!!

James Harvey, in his review of TMNT Smash Up, said it best in these two paragraphs:

"To changes speeds for a second, I do understand some of the complaints toward this game, particularly the character roster. Not only are three Rabbid characters inexplicably included, but the original 1980s cartoon series isn't really represented here. The recent 2003 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon gets it due here, with the majority of the voice cast returning to voice the featured characters, as does the 2007 TMNT movie. For fans of the original 1980s cartoon, there is a Technodrome-themed level available in the game to unlock along with a couple more surprises to uncover the longer one plays. Along with the leniency on the original cartoon content, I also don't understand why Ubisoft would include the Rabbid characters, characters from a completely different and unrelated video game franchise, in this game. Sure, they're worth a small chuckle, but Ubisoft definitely should have at least included Bebop and Rocksteady, or perhaps Tokka and Rahzar, or even Slash and a couple more nods to the overall Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise instead of using up three roster slots on characters from a completely different franchise.

While I understand why some fans are moving to boycott this game, and I can't really blame them, I think they're missing out. This game really feels likes a love letter to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans, even with only a light nod to the 1980s series. If fans can get past that and the baffling inclusion of three Rabbid characters, then I think they'll definitely find a great game worth playing."

Now, who wants pizza?